


Damn This Wild Young Heart

by Wunderchick



Series: Angsty Boyfriends With Communication Problems: the trilogy [2]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Barry's POV, Established Relationship, M/M, he's a confused overthinking puppy, joe is pretty chill, there's like one curse word in there if you must know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-31
Updated: 2015-12-31
Packaged: 2018-05-10 15:48:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5592064
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wunderchick/pseuds/Wunderchick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"For all the places he could run to, Barry could never follow his lover in his perfectly drawn-out plans for flawless heists, so in his own way, Len Snart could outrun the Flash. And that scared Barry out of his mind."</p><p>Companion fic to What You're Doing To Me, can be read separately</p>
            </blockquote>





	Damn This Wild Young Heart

**Author's Note:**

> Gothic Aphrodite kindly suggested that I write a follow-up to WYDTM, or an equivalent in Barry's POV. This ended up being a little bit of both. I have never written an unplanned sequel of sorts so fast before, so thank you GA for smoothly making me write some more, I hope you'll enjoy reading this! ♥

It was this strange fascination he had for the people who did what he would never be able to. With his speed, it’s true he could have been the greatest thief in the world. Escaping justice wasn’t a problem when you had access to time and space in a way no one could ever imagine. But those little voices in his head pushing him to do good had been implemented there so long ago he couldn’t shake them off, even if he tried— which he hadn’t, of course.

Soon enough, his fascination for Captain Cold had turned into a personal interest in Leonard Snart, and from there it took flight and became a fondness of a kind he had only ever felt for Len. Sure, he had loved Iris for as long as he had known her, but there were as many ways to love as there were people, and Iris and Len were completely different from one another. She was solid, a constant; Barry would never wake up one day to find her gone for good, because they were on the same side so no matter where she went, he would be able to find her. Iris West would always be on his map of possibilities.  
Now Len Snart was everything _but_ : volatile to say the least, not in his dispositions but in the way he would suddenly disappear for days at a time then come back to Barry with his little secret smile that told a hundred stories. For all the places he could run to, Barry could never follow his lover in his perfectly drawn-out plans for flawless heists, so in his own way, Len Snart could outrun the Flash.

And that scared Barry out of his mind.

Compared to the people Len associated himself with, Barry was boring. He didn’t like to cross the road when the lights didn’t allow him to do so, didn’t dare cheat the near-blind cashier from the store next block of a few cheap bills ("you don’t take advantage of people’s weaknesses to win stuff, Len" "Yes you do, Scarlet. If you want to survive, you do"); damn, he wasn’t even much of a clubber, what with his love for chit-chat and nerdy references being hampered by the loud music that automatically played in places like that.

Besides, he was young. Not that he found it to be a problem in his daily life, he loved being in his twenties still, didn’t doubt those years were the best of his life. But Len was closer to forty, and whatever age-bound revelations and epiphanies Barry would get, Len had lived through them already, had had time to get tired of them too, probably.  
So what did he get from dating someone like Barry Allen? A refreshing, optimistic view of the world, some would argue. A quirky and lively personality to force open the treasure chest Leonard Snart had locked his own cheer in for way too many years. Mean-spirited detractors would swear he was doing it for the intel, to have a badge on his side, because not having the Flash as an enemy is great for business. Obviously Barry had never believed that, because he might be a bit too quick to give people a chance or two, or three, he still knew where he could safely place his trust. Damn, even Joe trusted the rogue with his son, and if that wasn’t enough to convince the naysayers then what was?

And yet, despite all this trust, Barry still couldn’t bring himself to believe this would last short of forever.

Call him a hopeless romantic if you will, but he desperately wanted that forever. He missed it when he didn’t have it, mourned it when it he felt it was doomed, cherished it when he thought he could touch it, even if gingerly. He needed things to be permanent, because when you live in a world where nothing seems impossible anymore, you need a little bit of reality; you need an anchor. And as weird and improbable as it seemed, he wanted Len to be this anchor.

Iris and Joe, even the team at STAR Labs, they had been a constant in his life for years now, and they weren’t going anywhere, he was sure of that. A bond like theirs could never be undone nor cut off and thrown away, but they were fragile. Their _life_ was fragile. Cisco had died once, Ronnie twice, Caitlin had been kidnapped and threatened by a _giant psychic gorilla_ of all things, and so had Joe; Iris had been threatened by the Reverse-Flash, put her own life on the line recklessly every now and then, and Henry Allen… Who even needed words to understand where Barry stood on the whole dad thing?

But Len was different. Maybe because he was on the other side of the law, the one where you were mostly a hunter, the dangerous one. Maybe it was the way he planned everything yet still managed to be ready for the unexpected. He had quick wit, excellent reflexes, and would outlive Vandal Savage out of sheer force of will. His life had been a trek through hell and he had emerged on the other side; broken in some places no doubt, surrounded by thick brick walls he had had to build in order to save whatever little peace of mind he could, but very much alive and determined to keep it that way. He was this unstoppable life force which, like water, like snow, could change and bend at will when pressured, different but still the same, sometimes invisible but still present.

If he wanted to keep the one he had come to love by his side, Barry had to change him. He had to block the roads to places where he couldn’t follow, had to keep Len on the parts of the map Barry could see. Even if that meant hampering him, clipping his wings. His way of life was dangerous anyway, so wasn’t he doing this for Len as much as for himself? Wasn’t he looking after him this way, being a dedicated boyfriend rather than a selfish idiot? He could see this now, his worries were out of concern, he was only doing what was best for the man he loved. It just so happened that those things included keeping Len by his side, possibly forever.

Dammit. He definitely _was_ a selfish idiot.

Did he really think a man like Leonard Snart would allow someone, _anyone_ to lock him up that easily? Just because there weren’t any bars didn’t mean there was no cage, and the thief always found his way back to freedom. So nevermind why he thought he was doing it, Barry was just being another cop, another Great Harbinger of Law, locking the guy up "for his own good". That wasn’t how love worked. People stay because they want to, and didn’t he say to anyone who would listen that he trusted Len? Where was the proof of that then, where were the actions to back up the words he had used and abused ever since he had made their relationship known to his family and friends?

So he thought and he thought and he thought, and eventually Barry came to a conclusion: it wasn’t his boyfriend he didn’t trust. It was the whole universe and the underhanded way it had to fuck him over every now and then, never allowing him to keep what he cherished most for too long. So what if Len was a criminal? What if he had made his playground out of a secret world Barry couldn’t access, what if he never changed his ways? They had been able to start something good under those very circumstances, how could they prevent a happy end then? The only one getting in the way was Barry himself, and that needed to change.

"I’m going out for the night, there’s something I have to do."

Joe turned around from the sofa to see his son putting his jacket on, lips tightly pursed in an air of determination the detective was all too familiar with. If anything, it was a good change from the worried expression his kid had been wearing all week, so he was content nodding at him from his spot, letting out a quick, "make it count, Bear!"

 _Hopefully I will_ , was all Barry could think as he ran towards Len’s hideout. He had to expand his map of possibilities.


End file.
